He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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