i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
