i don't like sucking hair
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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