you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
