i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
