I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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