Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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