i think my mom watched the whole time
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
