We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
