i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
