he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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