come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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