I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
