What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
