Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
