Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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