he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
