she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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