This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
