His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
