you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
