haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
