I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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