So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He better not be in your backpack
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
