So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
