Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
