so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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