i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
