Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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