I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
