there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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