Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
