just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
