There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
