Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
