dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
