It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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