Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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