He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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