The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
