Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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