The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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