apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
