i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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