Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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