If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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