I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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