I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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