I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
