If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
