Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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