the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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