Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
