You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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