There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my poor anus
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
