I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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