If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
