3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize