No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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