She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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