she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
