my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
