Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
