Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
