You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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