you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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